Client - Interview: Stephanie on De-Armouring, Being a Human in a Wheelchair and Finding Freedom

Nov 2

Johannes: Stephanie, thank you for taking the time today. Let's start with something simple. How do you feel your body in your everyday life? In movement, in stillness, and in relation to the De-Armouring work we do?
Stephanie: I think that I can feel my body more precisely now.
For example, in relation to the spasticity, I’m more in contact with it. I thought in the past that it always reacts on it‘s own accord.
Though, I have more spasms when something comes up that I find uncomfortable or that stresses me out. That’s why I notice there are more and more connections now. I can notice and understand better what’s happening.
For example, I have the Moro Reflex – the reflex where children throw their arms out and fall over. I still have that because of my disability and muscle tone. Now I realize when it happens, that it’s not just my body reacting randomly. There’s often a connection to something in the outside world. And that helps me understand myself better.
I can make a connection. I can realize, okay, something triggered this.

And that makes a big diﬀerence.

Johannes: What restrictions or challenges do you experience physically?
Stephanie: That’s a good question; I would say my sense of balance. Because I basically don’t have a sence of balance , or at least it’s very diﬀerent. That’s why I can only walk short distances in spaces I know well, without a cane or support. I don't go out alone when it's slippery. I make sure not to cross the street if a car is coming because I just need more time to move those few steps.
Also my fine motor skills; It’s not a big issue every day, but it shows up in small things. Like buttoning a blouse or cutting something. I rarely have to do those things, but when I do, it takes longer - I've found my ways though though.
I use an iPad to type now because it’s faster.
It just works better for me. It takes longer to write, but I can do it.
It's not the writing itself, but the motion that gets harder and more tiering.

Johannes: What do you experience in your interactions with other people?
Stephanie: It’s not so much about my body. It’s more the way people treat me. Like being told you’re stupid. That really hurts.
I mean, I don't see myself as limited, because I don't know my life any diﬀerent but when I come across barriers, I notice I am treated diﬀerently. If those barriers didn’t exist, I wouldn't even feel restricted.
And it's also about how I grew up. I was always told: “Do what you want. Don't let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do.“

Johannes: What helps you to feel alive?
Stephanie: Good support. Knowing what I have achieved. That helps me.
The support from my parents, physiotherapists, from you, from people in general.
And also accepting myself.
I like myself the way I am. I like my body the way it is. I like what it can do – and also what it can’t.
I don’t look in the mirror and think I’m ugly. I see myself as enough.
I think support brings liveliness - and so does acceptance.

Johannes: What kind of body-oriented practices or therapies have you tried?
Stephanie: I started the De-Armouring work because I was at a point where I knew I needed something different.
I just got my diagnosis. I applied for therapy, didn’t get a spot, soI thought, okay, then I’ll pay for something myself.
Talk therapy didn’t help me much. I often thought, why am I digging into my past again? I wanted to move forward.
And I’ve always been a body-oriented person. That’s how I found you.
Before that, I did a lot with cold exposure. Ice bathing. That also helped.
My body reacts strongly to external stimuli, so it was fascinating to see what happens i. At first, I started just taking cold showers. My muscles would stiﬀen, but I noticed my body could handle more than I thought.
And the De-Armouring exercises, like turning my head, working with the vagus nerve – that helped too.
I still do physical therapy, though many people think it's some kind of massage, but it's not.
My therapist always treated me more like an athlete. That helped me feel strong so I always had that athletes mindset.

Johannes: What do you feel physically, emotionally, or in your nervous system during and after a session?
Stephanie: Many things, actually. The connection to my body. This care towards myself.
I realize that my body is just doing its best, whether it’s tense or relaxed and I have more understanding for it. I also finally have tools. In classical therapy settings, you most of the time talk about what you could do. But I never got any tools to implement into my day to day life.
Now I have tools to calm my nervous system, to feel safe. That makes a big diﬀerence. Emotionally, I notice that I give myself more time. I don’t just suppress feelings anymore. I sit with them. I work with them. I can explain my emotional states and express myself better. And I’ve learned how to notice when my nervous system reacts and how to influence that. Not by controlling it, but by knowing what helps me.

That understanding changed a lot.

Johannes: Is there something in your daily life that feels more possible or accessible now?
Stephanie: The way I deal with my past and also with what I used to call illness. With my PTSD and depression, I no longer feel powerless. I feel like I can work with it. I don’t have to surrender to it. In situations that used to be overwhelming, like being on a train, or in loud environments, I feel more stable now. I know what I need. I can go to a café, take the train, be part of my own life again. There are setbacks, sure but I don’t see that as a failure. Life just moves through phases. For me, healing isn’t a final goal. I used to think therapy was only successful if I never had a flashback again. That made everything feel impossible. Now I know: even if I have a flashback, I can still live a life that is worth living.

Johannes: What was particularly helpful in our work together?
Stephanie: It has a lot to do with how you hold space. You have incredible presence. You ask really good questions, not just standard ones. Questions that go deep. And the most important thing: you see me as a human being. Not as a person with a disability. Not just as a disabled person. Just as a human. That was a big realization for me.

That the work we do is not about treating my disorder. It’s about me as a human being. It's not about making the symptoms go away. It's about giving space. Holding space. Creating safe spaces. “Schutzräume.” That’s the word that came to me. Protected spaces where I can feel. Where I don't have to perform.

Johannes: If you had to put the eﬀect of the work into one word or image, what would it be?
Stephanie: Freedom. But not the usual kind. More like the feeling of being an object that was inchains – and then the chains explode. Not all at once, but slowly.
That’s how it feels.

Johannes: Thank you Stephanie for this honest and authentic conversation.

The Difference Between Safe Spaces and Protected Spaces

I don't actually create "safe spaces" in the way that term is usually understood.

I create Schutzräume - protected spaces.

There's a difference.

In a typical safe space, the goal is often to avoid discomfort. To minimize risk. To ensure nothing challenging arises. Everything stays smooth. Contained. Manageable.

But in a protected "Schutzraum", you're actually invited to fall.

To see your patterns. To be challenged by what comes up. To let your nervous system respond the way it needs to - without having to perform, without having to be okay, without having to make it easier for anyone else.

The protection isn't from difficulty. It's for your process.

It's a space where you can face what's uncomfortable, where your body can say what it's been holding, where you don't have to pretend. And I'm there with you through it - not to rescue you, not to fix you - to support you and guide you while you navigate what's real. In that sweet spot, you have the unique chance to feel what your system needs to relax, you can see the pattern coming up without becoming highjacked by it.

Such a crucial moment in every De-Armouring process.

Stephanie's body can react intensely to stress. She used to think her body was just reacting randomly. Out of control.

Through our work, she's learned to notice the connections. To understand how her body responds the way it does. To work with it rather than against it.

"I can make a connection now," she told me. "I realize: okay, something triggered this. And that makes a big difference."

That's the heart of De-Armouring.

Not fixing. Not bypassing - Feeling and creating the conditions where your body can unfold what it's been holding.

What My Clients Teach Me

This conversation reminded me of something and made me aware about my work:

It shows me what's needed. What's missing. What's possible.

Stephanie talks about freedom - not as an absence of challenges, but as "the feeling of being an object that was in chains, and then the chains explode. Not all at once, but slowly."

She talks about healing differently now too.

"I used to think therapy was only successful if I never had a flashback again," she said. "That made everything feel impossible. Now I know: even if I have a flashback, I can still live a life that is worth living."

That shift - from needing to be "fixed" to learning to be with yourself - is everything.

And I watch this happen in my practice room more often. Not in big dramatic moments. In the small realizations. In the way someone breathes differently after a session. In the tears that finally come. In the laughter that surprises them.

In the moment when someone realizes: I can feel this. I can be with this.

That's the "Schutzraum" doing its work.

An Invitation

If you're reading this and something in you is nodding - you know what I'm talking about.

Maybe you're tired of spaces that feel too careful. Too managed. Too small.

Maybe you're ready for a space where you can actually be yourself without performing. Where you can see your patterns. Were you allowed to fall and find your personal sweet spot.

Where someone sees you as a human being first.

That's what I offer.

And if any of this lands with you, if you feel curious for this kind of work - let's talk and see how this work can support you.

If you feel you need someone to walk this with you - I’m here.

Lets Talk and see, if that work is for you.

Stephanie B. (https://www.stephanieonwheels.com) / Berlin 2025